I am Sarah the Office Administrator for House of Light. I have two children, Lexi 3 and Jake 2. Up to giving birth to Lexi I worked as a legal secretary and have many years of experience working in and organising an office.Click here to read Sarah's Story.
After giving birth to Jake I decided it was time to get back into work and found House of Light!
Until I started working for House of Light I did not realise the extent of post natal depression I had suffered. Like a lot of people I did not want to admit how I was feeling as then I would be admitting defeat, I would have failed, I must pull myself together and get on with it. Oh how wrong can you be!?
There is no shame in suffering post natal depression and the sooner you admit how you feel the sooner you get better. I went on a great journey with the girls from House of Light and have come out the other side a much happier and much more confident person.
Post natal depression is different for everyone my illness manifested itself in an obsession with my daughter. After giving birth my memories of the first couple of weeks are just a haze of trying to breast feed, lots of crying and life just passing me, I daren’t sleep, I felt if I fell to sleep for just one second she would die! During the first few days I had no sleep at all and if I did drop off for a second I woke with panic, my heart pounding! My partner was brilliant and did everything for those first couple of weeks.
Control then took over, obsession, everything has to be done my way, everything has to be clean I mean what would people think if they came round and there was dust on the side or a dirty cup in the sink!
Lexi developed colic and the endless pain and screaming began. The feeling of helplessness when your precious child is screaming the house down in pain and there is nothing you can do to help.
Literally for months I hated anyone else feeding her, I wanted to be in sole charge. I spent so long obsessing over the fact that she might die, I used to wake and go in her room half expecting her to be lying dead in her cot.
My obsession with her and my love for her was overwhelming. I fell pregnant with Jake only a few months after Lexi was born and I am sure everyone thought I was crazy but my mind was set, I wanted my children close together. It was very hard, in fact the hardest work I have done in my life but I have no regrets.
When Jake was born I felt fabulous until about six months in and then I started to deteriorate again. In the summer of 2010 when Jake was 1 and Lexi had just turned 2 I hit rock bottom but with the help and support of Karan, Jo, Jeannie and Claire and of course my family and friends I started to pick myself up and have continued to feel better and better.
Now I am in the best place of my entire life. I have the most wonderful husband, children, family and friends who make my life complete and can honestly say I have never been happier. I adore my children and love being a mummy.
If you read my story and feel any connection to what I have said although I am not a support worker I would be happy to talk to you and pass you on for support to one of my fab co-workers. Don’t suffer in silence.
Having antenatal depression does not necessarily mean you will develop postnatal depression. Many mums do feel well once their baby is born and having help and support as soon as possible makes all the difference.
Postnatal depression is a type of depression some women experience after having a baby. It can develop anytime in the first year after giving birth.
Meet our team of therapists who are here to help you through your difficult time.
We are a not for profit registered charity. Your donations are important to enable us to offer help, support, advice and information for women and their families who are affected by antenatal (A/N) and postnatal depression (PND).